Reflextions at LAX

(Sorry for the delay, internet access was pretty much non-existent between my flights)

Isn’t it crazy how life happens? In the past five months I have learned to either passively watch life as it goes by or actively make it happen. I spent an incredible four months in Bordeaux. I experienced things I had only dreamed of and met amazing people I could have only hoped existed. I tried, I failed; I tried, I succeeded. Either way, I learned so much about life, about the world, and most of all, about myself.

When I came home for Christmas, I was so happy to be home and back to what was familiar. Furthermore, I was able to appreciate my culture, my family and my home, more than I ever had before. Things that flash in my mind are my soft bed with Pierre, my warm shower, eating my favorite foods with my friends and Family, and enjoying the sun. My last blog included every thought that was eating away at my mind. I was scared to leave my safe and comfortable home. I didn’t want to leave my family and friends. After I posted my blog, I received an email from a friend from elementary school who is now in the military. He signed up his life to be sent anywhere in the world to service our country. He reminded me he did it to see the world and experience something he couldn’t in Sacramento. I felt ashamed that I was complaining about going back to France - a country I had chosen, and that I very much grew to love. All the support my friends and family gave me just solidified my decision; thank you.

So here I am, so lucky to be sitting here in an airport reflecting about my two worlds. First, there is my real home where I am loved and always welcome, and secondly there is my temporary home where my new friends, who have become my new, yet slightly dysfunctional, family. I love them both whole-heartedly. I selfishly want them both, which is absolutely impossible.

I hate flying. I hate leaving. I hate not being with Pierre. But I am fighting my fears one more time to enjoy the last of this beautiful life I have found in France. Adventures are challenging. They force us to face the areas in our mind we avoid at all costs, leave the comfortable known, and push ourselves to limits we didn’t know were fathomable. It’s absolutely terrifying. Then again, it’s absolutely exhilarating.

Extension

So as you all may have been wondering, I am planning to stay in Bordeaux until the end of the school year. There is a ridiculous amount of paperwork and I am going to be a super senior when I return, but I guess all that doesn't matter when you get to live in France longer.

I am in the process of getting a ticket home for Christmas, but I must renew my visa before I leave so they let me back into the country (I don't want to be Tom Hanks in Terminal).

Funny, because this morning was the first morning that I woke up feeling quite homesick, questioning my decision. I miss home. I miss my family and friends. I miss my mom and dad's home cooking. I miss Pierre beyond belief. I even miss scout and his horse self. This list could go on forever, but I will spare you.

However, I know if I go home, and stay, I will feel like I missed out on this incredible, crazy, life-altering adventure. Thus, I'm going to swallow my fears and doubts, and dive head-first into this new chapter in my life.

Weekend of Decisions

I Love My Mummy

I woke up Thursday morning to yet another package at my door. It was so heavy! It had black beans and refried beans in it along with candy in celebration of Halloween. Yes you heard right, American candy!! Mmmm peanut butterrrr :9 My mom is really, seriously the best. Not to diss on everyone else's, but really :P

Extension

So, as you may have heard on facebook, I applied to stay in France until the end of the school year. I really hadn't even thought about staying. I didn't know I could. I do miss home, and when I get packages like what my mom sent, it reminds me of how great home is too. However, I love this place so much. There are a lot of factors going into the decision to see if it's even possible to stay.

Study Time
Yes, yes. We were at it again ;)

Evento
This weekend is Evento:

Every two years, EVENTO offers international artists an chance to cast a new eye over the city, explore it and turn it into an atypical place of artistic experimentation. This 2011 festival is thus bringing together famous and emerging figures, for a free event that is demanding, generous, multicultural, and designed for all kinds of public keen to discover and share.Original works, collective experiments, performances, concerts, installations, exhibitions and games for the citizenry will all occupy the city’s public places and its museums, for meetings aimed at reinventing the city and finding new ways of living together.

Today Marina and I went to the Musée d'Aquitaine. It was really cool.