Reflextions at LAX

(Sorry for the delay, internet access was pretty much non-existent between my flights)

Isn’t it crazy how life happens? In the past five months I have learned to either passively watch life as it goes by or actively make it happen. I spent an incredible four months in Bordeaux. I experienced things I had only dreamed of and met amazing people I could have only hoped existed. I tried, I failed; I tried, I succeeded. Either way, I learned so much about life, about the world, and most of all, about myself.

When I came home for Christmas, I was so happy to be home and back to what was familiar. Furthermore, I was able to appreciate my culture, my family and my home, more than I ever had before. Things that flash in my mind are my soft bed with Pierre, my warm shower, eating my favorite foods with my friends and Family, and enjoying the sun. My last blog included every thought that was eating away at my mind. I was scared to leave my safe and comfortable home. I didn’t want to leave my family and friends. After I posted my blog, I received an email from a friend from elementary school who is now in the military. He signed up his life to be sent anywhere in the world to service our country. He reminded me he did it to see the world and experience something he couldn’t in Sacramento. I felt ashamed that I was complaining about going back to France - a country I had chosen, and that I very much grew to love. All the support my friends and family gave me just solidified my decision; thank you.

So here I am, so lucky to be sitting here in an airport reflecting about my two worlds. First, there is my real home where I am loved and always welcome, and secondly there is my temporary home where my new friends, who have become my new, yet slightly dysfunctional, family. I love them both whole-heartedly. I selfishly want them both, which is absolutely impossible.

I hate flying. I hate leaving. I hate not being with Pierre. But I am fighting my fears one more time to enjoy the last of this beautiful life I have found in France. Adventures are challenging. They force us to face the areas in our mind we avoid at all costs, leave the comfortable known, and push ourselves to limits we didn’t know were fathomable. It’s absolutely terrifying. Then again, it’s absolutely exhilarating.